A special report by the World Wildlife Fund has hammered the last nail into the coffin of the unicorn by declaring it extinct. A thirty thousand page document has also been issued by the National Authority for Unicorns, Ghosts, Hobbits, Tooth-fairies and Yetis – or NAUGHTY – clearly stating that the WWF were right about there being no unicorns.
The spokesperson for NAUGHTY commented that “even though unicorns might still exist somewhere, we are now certain that they are not here on Earth.”
He also stated that they have not found any evidence to indicate that unicorns ever existed and that it is more likely that everything our parents ever told us was at least half a lie. “Take rainbows and unicorns for instance” he observed, “Parents would have you believe that the world is full of them. Fondly enough, the part about the huge multicolored arches in the sky is truer than the horses with horns bit.”
He complained about how the odd false alarm tended to raise hopes for nothing as well. “For a moment we thought we had captured a real life hobbit but then it turned out just to be Elijah Wood” he stated dejectedly.
He claims however to secretly foster high hopes for the Griffin, into whose complete disappearance a thorough investigation has now been launched.
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