Stink Panther!

“The Pink Panther” tonight won the Award for the Worst Remake of the Decade. Critics were still in a feeding frenzy when the Box Office closed last week on another disappointing note for ticket sales.

The Chairman of the Hollywood Film society went so far as to say, “Steve Martin should retire. He’s had white hair for too long now and has obviously gone senile if he thinks he can be as funny as Peter Sellers – the original Inspector Clouseau.”

He was also appalled by Beyonce’s lack-luster performance as the female lead. He commented, “The least we expected of her was to look sexy – but she put on so many pounds before the film that she made Queen Latifah look quite petite by comparison”. 

The President of the Paris-based Pink Panther club has called the movie “an outrage”. “The Casting Director was obviously retarded,” he said. “Not only did he choose Steve Martin as Clouseau but he also blatantly overlooked Jean Reno for the part. His comic timing was better, he more closely resembled Clouseau and wouldn’t even have had to fake a French accent! But instead of being Clouseau, he was dangled before the audience as a sad reminder of what could have been.”

The unpleasant aroma left in the wake of the Pink Panther will hopefully ensure that Steve Martin never again tortures viewers with his pale parody of a true comic genius. The President of the Pink Panther Club claimed, “the sad thing is that Steve only made himself look bad by trying to aspire so high. He should have remade a comedy more in his league, like “The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.