In breaking news today, Eskimos have decided to declare war on the World. At a press conference in Geneva, the representative for the United Peoples of American Alaskan and Russian Siberian Eskimos, or UPAARSE, stated “after living in our snowcapped surroundings for over 5000 years, we have just learnt that the rest of the world has maliciously kept us in the dark about the Ice Age being over.”
The frigid foragers have vowed vengeance and are attempting to melt the remaining polar ice caps to drown mankind. Leaders of the free World are a little confused about what to do as any retaliation of the normal sort would only aid their cause.
The truth was discovered by the Siberian Eskimo Chief Che Guava, through a back dated issue of Playboy. The concept of nudity completely baffled him for months as he had never seen anyone suicidal enough not to wear clothing. The real fuel to the fire came in the form of the trees and sandy beaches in the background of the photos.
Upon his astonishing discovery, it became obvious that the rest of the world had decided to leave the Eskimos to rot in the snow while they enjoyed tropical environs and bathing without having to chop their toes off afterwards. Citizens from all other nations have been advised not to travel to Eskimo territory unless they wish smelly fish and pointy sticks flung at them.
UPAARSE claims that their unbridled rage at the injustice of the world can be summed up in two simple words: central heating.
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