Spidey fans the world over have launched a collective law suit against Tobey Maguire for destroying the image of their friendly neighborhood Spiderman.
The President of the web spinner’s fan club, Christian Bale, stated: “By agreeing to play Spiderman, Tobey willfully and knowingly turned our hero into a wuss. Even asthmatic kittens had more chance of striking fear into the hearts of bad guys!”
His Vice President, Robert Downey Junior, added “It would have been better to have killed Spiderman. But now we’ve lost all respect for him. Who ever heard of a Super Hero pansy enough to start bawling over Kirsten Dunst?”
Maguires legal team has swiftly counter-sued the fan club for its insensitivity to the movie star’s feelings. Apparently, its condemnation has sparked a genuine outburst of emotion from him that hasn’t abated as yet.
Bale remained unmoved and cited this as only more damning evidence that Tobey was never meant for the part. He said, “It was a colossal enough disappointment watching Brendan Routh lulling Superman fans into a coma – but what Toby did was just plain cruel.”
Perhaps the youngest Japanese member of the fan club summed up their case best with “Me cannot even watch the cartoons no more. Tobey Maguire, him very bad man!”
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